booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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