well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
