Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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