i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
