I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
