HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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