i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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