Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
