I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
