I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
