this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
