yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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