Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
