So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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