dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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