got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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