I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
