i always forget guys have bellybuttons
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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