Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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