Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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