I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
