When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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