You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
