He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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