the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
