I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
