well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
