I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
