hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
