When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
