Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
