I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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