I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The air taste purple.
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