Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
