Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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