sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
