i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she smelled like a LAN party
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
