My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i think i just lost a toe
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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