Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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