is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
