Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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