That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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