so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
