my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize