All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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