you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
