she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
