And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
