haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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