I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize