he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
