seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
