Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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