i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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