you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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