omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize