So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
