im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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