I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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