i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
