I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
