What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
