You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize