its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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