I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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