His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
