I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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