Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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