Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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