My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you would pick up someone in the library
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
