I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
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The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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