Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
