Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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