you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
