if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
