youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
